(did you miss Part 1 & Part 2)

So would I do it all over again?  With the experience I’ve had, would I opt to undergo surgery to correct my poland syndrome chest?

That is the million dollar question, isn’t it?

I don’t know.

How is that for an answer.  I don’t know.  I’m not sure.  I can argue it both ways.

So let’s reframe the question: If my daughter had Poland Syndrome what would I do.

Well, honestly, that doesn’t help much.  I still don’t know.

But this is what I do know.

1. Poland Syndrome would be a natural part of conversation, not a taboo topic only discussed if she brings it up first.

2. I would often be probing with questions to engage her into conversation and give her every opportunity to share her honest thoughts, fears, questions, etc.

3. From an early age (my oldest girl is 9 — so by now for sure), we would have discussions about puberty and breasts and the effect Poland Syndrome has on that development.

4. Around that same time or slightly later I would let her know that one possibility is surgery, another is a specialty bra.  (I would likely allow some time between the first discussions and this one so that she doesn’t see P.S. as a “problem needing to be solved” — as if there is something mutantly wrong with her.  Allowing time between the two conversations gives her time to ponder it all and form her own opinions.

5. Once she starts to develop I would buy her a good quality bra that will even her out.  I want her to know that there are solutions other than surgery.  I want her to know what is feels like to be using one of those solutions.  I want her to feel completely normal to be using a prosthesis bra so that it never becomes strange.  I want to do everything in my power to give her confidence in her own skin.

6. From the time she develops I would engage her in natural conversations about surgery.  Asking good questions to get her to think about it and so that I know her thoughts, desires, concerns, wishes, etc.

7. There are inherent risks to surgery.  There are long term considerations.  As her mom who can see more long term than a teenager, I need to take into account all of those things and weave them into the discussions.  Implants to not last forever. Does she want that responsibility in the future of having to deal with a replacement, a possible leak, etc?  There are social considerations — more like social fears — that need to be addressed.  She will surely have them and I hope trusts me enough to share them.  “Will a guy ever like me, mom, if I look different?”

8. The idea is that the conversation has been going on for so long, and long before it is time to make a decision that when the time comes, any decision that is made is well thought out.  If she and I come to the decision that surgery is the best course of action we will move forward together to make that happen.  If it is decided that surgery is not desired than we find the best source for prosthesis bras and make sure she always had the proper garments.

Knowing what I know now, this is the approach I would take.  What are your thoughts? What would you do differently?  Anything to add?  Comment below.