Letting PS Limit Me or Letting it Guide Me
Overall, we live in a world (at least in the United States) where kids are told, “You can be anything you want to be.”
If the idea behind that statement is don’t allow others to limit you, work hard and pursue your dreams then I’ll give a hearty AMEN to that.
But more often, it seems to truly mean you can do anything you want to do and be anything you want to be, and completely ignores reality.
If my child stops growing at 4″, no matter how hard he may train and work and how ferverently he may dream, he is NOT going to become the next slam dunk champion in the NBA. His dreams do not negate relatity. Now, I would not discourage him from working hard to improve his basketball skills if that is what he enjoys, but neither am I going to fill him at ages with dishonest encouragements.
Often the scenarios are not that cut and dry and it is not always clear what qualifies as offering vain hope that contradicts reality and what is a reachable goal with a whole lotta hard work.
Growing up as I did, in the family I had, all three of us were encouraged to pursue our goals. Mostly those goals were in the athletic realm. We were a big sports family. Soccer from the time we could walk, deck hockey for a time (I played too), t-ball for my brothers. We could often be found either individually or as a family or with friends playing basketball at the park or taking tennis lessons in the summer or throwing the baseball back and forth. Athletics was a huge part of our life.
I was never cast aside from any of that due to my hand. My hand was never brought up as a hinderance, and for that I am grateful. I was allowed to figure it out and occasionally my dad would attempt to offer a solution as well.
With a right hand that has only 2 fingers and no grip, clearly I was going to throw the baseball with my left hand, but do I use a lefty glove or a right handed glove and switch it off to throw like outfielder Pete Gray or Pitcher Jim Abbott? I am quite certain that both of those men heard plenty of discouragement as they pursued their dream to play baseball; surely folks tried to “help them” by informing them that “you can’t play baseball with only one hand.” Both of these men proved those naysayers wrong. (btw, I went with a left handed glove — it worked just fine).
Soccer was the first team sport each of my two brothers and I played growing up. Starting as soon as we could run, dad signed us up for a team, and being only 14 months younger than my older brother, I was signed up on his team. I played on his team until I was 10 or so when I switched to a boys team my own age. I loved soccer and I was good at it.
While entering 6th grade I received a phone call one day from the coach of a premier girls team in the area — she was seeking to recruit me to play for them. After much hesistation about playing on a ‘girls team’ and after seeing them in action and after realizing that I would not be able to compete with the boys forever, I accepted and joined the team.
I was good at soccer and my hand did not matter at all. My hand had absolutely no effect of my ability to play aside from throw-ins being less powerful than some of my teammates.
A year later I had the opportunity to try out for team sports so in the winter of 7th grade I joined the girls basketball team. It turns out I was good at basketball too. By the end of 8th grade I had come 2-points away from tying the schools scoring record. (I still remember the play that would have tied the record. The ref called me for walking — it was a bad call!!)
As I entered 9th grade the next year I had to decide whether I would continue with basketball or drop basketball and spend more time on soccer. A teammate of mine from club soccer was making this same decision around this time. She was a supurb soccer player so it shocked everyone when she announced she would be dropping soccer and pursuing basketball (she would later go on to play in the WNBA).
I did not simply play sports for the sake of playing sports. I had aspirations for college play and professional play. So it was not just a matter of playing, it was a matter of which sport I wanted to devote and dedicate my time to excel to the absolute best of my ability.
I would have chosen either way. I was good at soccer, but I was also good at basketball. Part of my decision making process including the acknowledgement that basketball requires hand dexterity, and that puts me at a disadvantage whereas soccer was not at all dependant upon my hands. Had I explained that to a coach in the process of seeking feedback, I highty suspect I would have heard, “You can do anything you want to do. If you want to play basketball, play basketball” with a glossing over of the reality that my hand does indeed effect my play.
Sure, I could work hard and do my best to overcome that challenge, but it would always be a challenge. So I needed to decide if I loved basketball enough to fight through that challenge or if soccer was my preferred place to be.
In the end, it was an easy decision; I chose soccer. I could have opted to pursue basketball with a chip on my shoulder and an attitude that I needed to prove something; I needed to prove that I could do it, despite my hand. But my motives would have been very wrong, and the fact that my hand is the way it is guided my decision and made it quite easy.
I did not want the struggle that would come with pursuing basketball as a person with PS. It’s not that I shyed away from the hard work, because soccer was plenty hard work. Rather, I chose to put my hard work in another direction. I took into consideration all of the circumstances that would effect my play in both sports and allowed that to direct me towards which was the best choice for ME.
To this day, I do not see myself has having been limited by PS in chosing which sport to pursue. Instead I see my the reality of my hand as being a factor to be considered when making that decision, and it guided me to chose one over the other.