Here is a transparent admission for you:

Poland Syndrome frustrates me greatly!

Not all the time.  Not every day, but most days.  I’m 34 years old and I’m still learning how to handle that frustration.

How does it frustrate me?

It frustrates me when I struggle at normal, everyday tasks.  It frustrates me when I’m working at my desk, with a book in my left hand and need to move a stack of papers to the side.  A “normal” person would merely grab the stack of papers with their right hand and move them.  My attempts at grabbing the stack of papers turns into me involuntarily pushing the papers because I can’t manage to grasp and lift the stack.

It frustrates me when I return from the store with bags of groceries and instead of sliding the key in the lock with my right hand, I have to fumble around, shift bags or put them down to simply let myself in my apartment.

It frustrates me when I am cooking and I need to lift a heavy pot with one hand while scraping the pot with a spatulate or a spoon with the other hand.  I either tuck one end of the pot against my body while using my right hand keep enough pressure on the pot to keep if from falling, while using my good hand to do the scraping, or I hold the pot with my stronger hand and clumsily scrape the pot with my right.

It frustrates me when my girls ask me to braid their hair, and I tell them we have one shot at it, because if I fail the first time, my right hand will not have the strength to try again.  Oh, and we need to try right after your shower; attempting to braid on dry hair is futile, as I need the wetness to help hold the hair together.

There are daily adaptations needed to function with Poland Syndrome. Most of the time I adapt without much thought.  Certain tweaks and tricks are second nature by now and feel natural.  But every so often I’m reminded of just how frustrated a deformed hand can be.  And in the moments I have to opportunity to respond well or respond poorly.

I’ve responded poorly plenty.  Frustration turns into annoyance turns into anger.  Anger that I can’t do this simple task that 99% of people can do without a second thought.

But lately I’ve been responding differently.

The last reminder of my challenges was the paper incident I mentioned first.  Working at my kitchen table there was a file of papers needing to be shifted within my workspace.  My left hand was occupied, and the logical thing to do was use my right hand for this “simple” task of moving a folder.  The first attempt reminded me that this task wasn’t so simple for me.

While a swell of anger, sadly, would not have been totally out of character, this time I opted to merely push the file back enough for me to continue my work, and quickly shifted my thoughts to the work at hand.  I allowed no time to dwell on the inconvenience and funneled that energy into what needed to get done.

I don’t know that I will always respond as well.  There will likely be other events that leave me tremendously frustrated that such a simple task isn’t simple enough for my hand to accomplish.  But for now I will remember this most recent success and hopefully build on it.