I absolutely dread handshakes.

And since I live in a society in which a firm handshake is the social norm upon meeting new people, I’m not too fond of expanding my current network.

By nature I’m an introvert, but I often wonder how much of my introversion is really nurture  – the chicken and the egg.  Do I dislike meeting new people because I’m rather introverted or am I introverted because I dislike meeting new people (since meeting new people usually means a handshake, which usually means drawing attention to the very thing I’d be content to forget).

In Surviving to Thriving: Finding Meaning and Hope Amidst Affliction I wrote about the three categories of handshakers.  Here is an excerpt:

Three Categories of People

I often place people into one of three categories, based upon how they shake my hand.  Firstly, I rarely (1 in 100 rarely) extend my hand first.  It is such an uncomfortable feeling for me to have my hand out there, awaiting the other person.  There are many times when I wish I didn’t have this reaction.  I am certain that I can come across as cold when I meet people because of my hesitancy to extend a hand, our American symbol of friendship. But I just cannot get over that fear, and my three categories of people may explain why.

I’ll start with my least favorite, the folks I dread.  I’ll call this category the ‘jumpers.’  These jumpers, upon making palm-to-palm contact, jerk their hand away, or even literally jump back, in reaction to this strange thing they touched.  I understand it to be a knee-jerk reaction, not a premeditated act, yet that knowledge helps very little when you are the recipient of such a reaction.  Don’t be this person.  I will sometimes get an ‘I’m sorry’ after they pull themselves together.   

The next category is a step up, and I am perfectly fine with these folks.  I’ll call them the ‘lookers.’  The lookers, upon that palm-to-palm contact, look down at my hand and then look back up, continuing the shake.  Sometimes there is a pause in the shaking when they look, sometimes not.

I am very aware that my hand is different.  I am very aware that 99.9% of the people I meet will never have met someone with PS; so, when they touch my hand, curiosity is bound to arise.  The ‘lookers’ do just that, they look.  They want to see why the hand feels different, and once they do, they move on.  No apology is ever offered here, none is needed. 

While the lookers are quite fine, my favorite category is the ‘shakers.’  They just shake my hand, no jumping, no flinching, no looking.  They grab hold, as they would anyone else, and give no notice to anything different.  For obvious reasons, I feel most comfortable in these encounters.  The hand is a non-issue for them, which allows me to make it a non-issue in interacting with them.

I’ve encountered one person in my life that falls outside of all three categories here.  She meant well, but for me, I’d prefer she just join the lookers or the shakers.  In college I was pledging in a business fraternity (how nerdy can you get).  This was a co-ed fraternity that was business oriented.  Part of the pledging process involved interviews with the brothers (both men and women).  I went in for my interview rather nervous, hoping they liked me.  The meeting was with two of them, a fellow (who I forget) and a German woman who held some of the typical German stereotypes, a little uptight, staunch, and curt.  She was a bit intimidating, so I was not looking forward to the interview.

I entered the room and, knowing that a business fraternity is looking for business-minded folks, I forced myself to extend my hand.  Well, she and I extended our hands at the same time, and to my surprise, she extended her left hand.  I suppose through the interactions leading up to this point, she noticed my hand.  And in attempt to show respect, or compassion, or something, she sought to shake my good hand.  I really did appreciate the gesture, especially coming from her, but kept my right hand out on principle until we did a proper shake.

These days I’m a homeschooling mom to 4 kiddos, but am looking into my options to create additional income.  As I ponder my options: my skills, my interests, my giftings, I lean towards business related work — yet in the back of my mind part of the decision making process includes; “how often will I be shaking hands with people?”

I still don’t like it.  It still makes me uncomfortable.  So much so that I may move to using my left hand from the get-go and avoid the jumpers all together.

While I ponder work opportunities I cannot help but ponder how much more deeply this has effected me than I ever realized.  How many other opportunities did I not even consider pursuing because of this aversion.

Just one more aspect of living with Poland Syndrome.  One more challenge.  One more trial.

In many regards it’s so very minor.  Poland Syndrome is not fatal.  My life will not come to an end because of this birth defect.  So many others suffer much greater than I and have far greater challenges — and yet this is a challenge for me.  This is a trial in my life.  It creates great discomfort and given the choice, I’d often prefer to NOT have the struggles.

But it isn’t my choice and I do have these struggles; so what am I going to do with them and about them?